I have always been extremely anti-baby making. I know it’s good for the continuation of the species and all that but personally, it just didn’t seem like something I would enjoy. Well the making bit maybe… but the consequence of the making? Hell no!

My younger brother was always the favourite with younger cousins; he was also the only one of us who ever got any babysitting gigs. Well no, that’s a lie. But I don’t really like recounting that one-time-I-babysat-and-forgot-my-wallet-so-the-kid-had-to-buy-me-lunch.

Anyway the point I am trying to make is I have always thought babies looked like creepy little aliens I am not big on children. I am not “clucky.” I am not excited at the prospect of settling down and having a family. I legitimately Snapchap my nearest and dearest every time I get my period ( not a picture of my period that’s gross) an elated me grinning “HIGH-FIVE-NOT-PREGNANT!”

But something has changed that is starting to freak me out a little bit.

Don’t worry, I don’t go ga-ga over babies now. But puppies… OH MY GOD!

I have become a ridiculous type of puppy obsessed. I stop and speak to them in a baby-voice when they are chained up outside a shop. I coo at owners how cute their little babies puppies are.  I follow more dogs than people on Instragram. I WANT A PUPPY SO BAD and that is freaking me out. Because a part of me is thinking… a puppy is basically just a really furry baby, right?

The basic concept is exactly the same. They need feeding, watering, bathing, bottoms wiped, entertainment, love… basically all that mother-y shit that is NOT WHAT I AM ABOUT!

So, the only logical solution to this OHMYGOD I might want kids identity crisis, is to list all the ways in which I would legitimately make the worst parent puppy owner ever.

  1. Every plant I have ever owned died.
  2. Sometimes* I forget to eat.
  3. I think dressing up your babies pets in non-age/species appropriate attire is totally fine. Hilarious even. RSPCA? Probably not so much.
  4. I am really bad at staying interested in something for more than two weeks. Even addictive shit like Candy Crush.
  5. I am forever sitting my wallet down in shops and only realizing I left it there when I got to pay for something two hours later.
  6. I am afraid of poo.
  7. I am always accidentally spending rent money on shoes…

There you go, I feel much better. Not about myself (I  am obviously am a terrible human and need to read some sort of self help book.. is the secret still a thing?) but about not getting a baby puppy. The poor lil guy wouldn’t last a day!

*most busy days, and I am busy a lot.

Freya King