Lauren McCracken
Although the chilly weather wreaks havoc on our hair and skin during the colder months, it’s often this time of year that we get a bit lazy with the old beauty routine. To fix this, we decided to consult our resident beauty expert, and former cosmetics tester, Flopsy the Bunny about her top winter beauty lifesavers.
1. Sally Hansen Anti-Wrinkle Firming Hand Cream
“I don’t have hands, but if I did, you can be sure this cream would be in my tote bag 24/7,” says Flopsy, adding that less is more when it comes to hand cream. “No one likes a slimy handshake! Also, the propylparaben present in this cream could be linked to developmental and reproductive toxicity, so it’s best used sparingly.”
2. Purell Cottony Soft Hand Sanitising Wipes
No one likes getting sick, which is why it’s so important to take extra care this cold and flu season. “Keep these sanitising wipes handy, and I guarantee you won’t be bothered by the sniffles this season,” says Flopsy. “Although the presence of Retinal Palmitate in these wipes might have caused the tumour growth on my right paw, I’m still glad that I haven’t had to deal with a stuffy head cold all winter.”
3. KMS California Hair Stay Maximum Hold Spray
There’s nothing worse than spending all morning putting up your hair only to have a strong gust of wind tear it back down again. “Before all my fur fell out from an unrelated cosmetic test, I used this spray religiously,” gushes Flopsy. “It holds like nothing else while still allowing you to brush through comfortably. Of course, the endocrine disruptor Octinoxate in this spray has messed around with my thyroid and hormone function a tad, but that shouldn’t concern you unless you might want children some day.”
4. Carmex Moisture Plus Hydrating Lip Balm
The winter wind is not only an enemy to your hair, it can also do damage to your pout. “Dry, scaly lips are a big no-no!” says Flopsy. She recommends keeping a tube of lip balm on hand at all times for when you need to give your lips a boost of moisture. “This particular lip balm is incredible. My boyfriend always comments on how soft my lips feel. Though they are starting to look a little misshapen. It’s probably all that Oxybenzone, which may cause cell death and mutations.”
5. Simple Vital Vitamin Night Cream
Like all living things, skin needs nutrients, something this cream is chock full of. “Jesus guys, I think I’ve reached my threshold of bullshit products for today,” sighs Flopsy. “They really called it ‘Vital Vitamin’? Is the suspected allergen, carcinogen and environmental toxin 2-Bromo-2-nitropropane-1,3-diol a vital vitamin for skin? No. So don’t put it in your damn night cream. Simple. God I hate this job. Someone bring me a damn carrot and spinach juice with a heavy dose of bourbon!”
All information regarding the ingredients in these products was sourced from the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Cosmetics Database.