Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced today that the federal government will be funding $10 million dollars on a new “Tony” doll for young Australian girls. All female kindergarten students enrolled from 2015 will be gifted a doll on the first day of school. The Minister for Women was very excited to be a part of this new initiative, with the aim of making a generation of “honest women”.
“The housewives of Australia recognise that their daughters need stronger and better male role models, especially with the breakdown of the traditional nuclear family,” Abbott said at the launch today.
“Who better to teach them about masculine identity than their own prime minister?”
Each figurine will be dressed in a business suit fitted with a removable blue tie and lace up shoes. The doll’s battery operated voice box is programmed with over 50 celebrated Abbott quotes, some of which include: “Stop the boats”, “Dead, buried and cremated”, “Axe the tax”, “Virginity is the greatest gift you can give someone”, and “Abortion is the easy way out”. The doll will also come with a synthetic hairy chest and a winking eye function.
The Minister for Women revealed that pending the success of the rollout, he would like to look into expanding the Tony dolls to other varieties, such as “Rhodes Scholar Tony”, “Seminary Tony” and “Life-Saver Tony”.
When asked how he felt about being replicated in action figure form, Abbott commented that he “hoped [he] had a little bit of sex appeal” with a grin.