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If I Ruled The World: John Kaye

The very first priority is the restoration of democracy.

As global ruler, I immediately lead a revolution against myself to establish a powerful, locally-controlled, globally-focused, wealth redistributing democracy that respects human rights, the environment and social justice and eradicates poverty and wealth inequality.

Well, actually we delay the storming the ramparts of my own palace – every self-respecting ruler has a pad that competes with the White House, the Kremlin or the Lodge – for just a few days so that I can use my supreme authority to massively slash greenhouse gas emissions. As a Greens I could not waste the opportunity to implement a plan to break the world of its fossil fuel addiction, create millions of new jobs in renewable energy and along the way lift most of the world out of poverty.

Oh, and while I am at it, I hold off the people’s revolution for just another couple more days to decommission the world’s nuclear arsenal and end the worst terrorism of them all, the threat of global annihilation. And while I’m running amok with the merchants of death, I destroy the chemical and biological weapons stockpiles and decommission most of the military hardware that costs more than $2 trillion a year and provokes wars and empowers repressive regimes. The money saved goes a long way to paying for my global clean energy plan.

That is it. Definitely the next move must be a return to democracy. Right now, no excuses.

Well, perhaps just one more thing before I go: a plan for global literacy, focusing on giving every woman on the planet the self-esteem and empowerment to take control of her life and her reproductive outcomes. Experience shows that a direct by-product will be a reduction in domestic violence and massive improvements in infant and maternal health. Look, if you’ve got the power, how could you not use it to address the biggest cause of human misery and along the way reduce population growth?

That absolutely, finally, definitely has to be it. No more of this dictatorship lurk or I’ll get too used to it and never let go.

But how could I squander the opportunity to put real money back into public schools, health and universities by instituting a progressive tax system that makes the wealthy pay. Global corporations, the money markets, mining giants and the banks will no longer get the free ride they have enjoyed. In the rule of John Kaye they have to part with their ill-gotten lucre to pay for the services that turn an economy into a society.

No self-respecting member of the progressive-rulers-of-the-world club could leave office without doing something the break the stranglehold of the banks and money markets and bring to an end the damage they do to the environment and the community.

Now it is time to go. Even though I have the power to address problem gambling, tobacco addiction and the other examples of corporate exploitation of human weaknesses. Ok, just one more. I stay a few more days and break the power of the Packer empire, British American Tobacco and the global equivalents of Clubs NSW.

Now I am really getting into this power caper. I hold off the revolution for yet a few more days while I end the destruction of rain forests, stop whaling, invest in clean water and a healthy, secure food supply for everyone, stop broad acre land clearing that is eliminating species, legislate for same sex marriage, improve public sector teachers and nurses pay, create a network of sustainable transport solutions and ban coal seam gas mining.

Hang on, what’s that noise outside the palace? What, there are protests? The ungrateful are calling for freedom and self-determination. How could they after all the great things I have done for the planet, alleviating poverty, ending war, creating genuine deep-seated gender equity and improving pay and conditions for all working people?

Postscript: The short reign of John Kaye came to a peaceful end when protestors stormed the palace and organised a three day workshop on grass roots democracy. John himself has stepped down gracefully to the NSW Parliament where he works with local communities for sustainable water and energy solutions, opposes electricity privatisation and champions the public education system.

John Kaye, member of the Greens in the NSW Upper House