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The Deputy Vice Chancellor of Education Sends Out (Another) Email To Students & Staff: “Why Does Nobody Read My Emails?”

By Stephen Brannon 

Deputy Vice Chancellor Merlin Crossley has blasted students and staff in an email sent late last night.

“If you are receiving this email, it is because you did not open and read my last one,” the email began.

“My only question is: why not? Is the content not riveting enough for you? Are you not enticed by the attractive letterhead, my good name?”

Professor Crossley is a key player in the university’s education policy, including the controversial 2025 plan. The email follows a series of emails sent by the Deputy Vice Chancellor, which have allegedly been ignored by students.

“I should cross your mind like Caesar crossed the Rubicon,” the email finished.

Response to the email has been remarkably flat.

One hundred students were surveyed about the email, with 64 replying “Who?” and  23 replying, “Another one? What now?”

But this negativity has not deterred the Deputy Vice Chancellor.

“I will keep releasing good content, and staff and students will keep reading it,” Professor Crossley said in another email, sent a few hours after the previous one.

“It is far from over for me.”