Category: Satire
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The Hirst Report: Government soft on crime
Ned Hirst (Note to journalists: This is a template; make minor adjustments according to particular circumstances; use especially in election years.) The government’s soft stance on crime has led to increased rates of violence in the community, a person has said. Concerns have been expressed that a staggering 100 per cent of criminals are released…
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The Secret Diary of Professor, Professor, Professor Bob Carr
Dear Diary, At last I have reached the pinnacle of human academic achievement, so much so that I do not consider it unreasonable to begin referring to me as a deity henceforth. Here I stand, a God among mere mortals; I am almost enough to make me believe in a higher power once again. I…
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Study recommends power should be preserved for elite
A study published on the 30th of April by the Foundation for Engagement Against Contemporary & Established Studies (FEACES) has found that with the proliferation of democratic processes in Western nations has found that with each new generation of citizens “the psyche of each individual is degraded to a state of laziness, contempt and apathy”.…
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Living Room Hypothetical
“Imagine if you visited an art show at my school and discovered that every single piece of art was about you, and just as you realised how weird it was, all the doors behind you locked and you were trapped.” – S. Chalwell, Living Room Hypothetical. “Imagine if.” Is it possible to contrive such evocative, dangerous,…
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The crinkly old man goes to buy kibble but does not get there
You see, the crinkly old man had forgotten to feed the kitten that morning and so she was beginning to gurgle with hunger. The crinkly old man was in the middle of writing his first novel (it wasn’t very good) but decided he would put it aside and go get some kibble as he had…
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Seeking New President and Vice-Chancellor
An exciting opportunity to lead Australia’s finest corporation-cum-educational institution into the 21st century has arisen. UNSW is searching for its next President and Vice-Chancellor, following the imminent retirement of our beloved benevolent ruler, Professor Fred Hilmer. For too long have we suffered under the socialist reign of terror enacted by Professor Hilmer. For too long…