How To Become Cooler Than Other Brown Girls

By Sarah Fernandes

get really into professional wrestling

listen to post-rock

eat lots of pizza

have an obscure taste in comedy

call people “mate” and “dude” and “man”

wear collared shirts with ironic prints

invest in cryptocurrency

play indie video games

have lots of progressive friends

smoke weed

watch documentaries

educate yourself about state politics

don’t cry after a breakup

wait 8 months between haircuts

worship Spike Jonze

drink beer

wear the same overcoat every day in winter

drive with confidence

don’t fuss about walking home alone at night

buy OFWGKTA merchandise

have a sex buddy

boast about never attending class

reference The Simpsons as much as possible

start a band

forget everyone’s birthday

make your internet presence as ironic as possible

only move your upper body at concerts

never clean the shower

always wear the same eight shirts

become cooler than other brown girls

become cooler than other white girls

become a white boy