By Belis Beattie
A shocking recent discovery, made simultaneously by both UNSW Conservatives and the Socialist Alternative, has revealed that peacocks are actually like, really cool.
This realisation comes after one of the said peacock species was found at UNSW’s upper campus on the Library Lawn. Reports indicate that the peacock was promptly removed as it had been terrorising students, by aggressively attempting to eat their lunches. Later, the peacock was officially deemed a threat to UNSW’s beloved ibis population.
Many students expressed relief regarding the peacock’s removal.
“I can’t believe it’s gone,” revealed a 5th year Med student.
“I thought it’d never leave. I was prepared to never have another serene lunch on the Library Lawn eating my W.H. Smith cup noodles.”
However, some students felt otherwise about the now-infamous, shunned peacock.
“That bird is f*cking legendary!” a member of the UNSW Conservatives expressed during one of the group’s weekly meetings.
“[The peacock] is a symbol of the new world. Do whatever you want, serve only your best interests. Screw anyone who doesn’t have more power than you because you are on top!”
The Socialist Alternative have also demonstrated their respect for the peacock.
“We don’t care what anyone says – that peacock was the best thing that has happened to UNSW. We will support the shit out of anything that distracts us from trimesters and the delayed Light Rail,” they announced on the Socialist Alternative Facebook page.
In a surprising move that shocked many, the two groups have together founded the UNSW Cock Society, aiming to unite students of all political beliefs through a shared appreciation of the peacock, as well as other flightless birds.
Tharunka was able to obtain exclusive access to the Cock Society’s first meeting.
“Peacocks are just so epic,” said the Social Alternative Leader, gin and tonic in hand.
“Like, when they’re not attracting a mate with all their feathers, they just strut around the place like headless chooks.”
“I agree,” said Treasurer of the Conservatives who sipped a beer throughout the event.
“Peacocks are the honey badgers of the bird world. They just don’t give a shit.”
“You know what birds are also epic?” asked a first year member of the Cock Society, rhetorically.
“Chickens!”
Wishing to facilitate more discussions into peacocks and other flightless birds, the Cock Society is in discussions with Arc to hold a bi-annual CockFest.
More to come as this story unfolds.
Belis is a 1st year Media (Comms and Journalism) student. She loves piccolos, travelling and sci-fi/action/apocalypse movies. Her hero is the late Kim Wall and one day, besides becoming a journalist, hopes to write a novel.
Instagram: @belisbeattie