Agony Ibis

Dear Ibis,

With all these affirmative action policies giving minorities legs up and Andrew Bolt being prosecuted for speaking his mind, the world has gone over the top with REVERSE RACISM! Haven’t the youth of today heard of the philosophy, ‘do unto others as you would have done to you’?




Dear Stormfront,

I heartily agree! I always follow the Golden Rule when it comes to dealing with minorities, so it’s about time they started treating us the way we treat them. Honestly, I’m sick and tired of the lack of institutionalised racism for People Not of Colour (PNoC). Where’s our disproportionate police violence? Why don’t we get a higher unemployment rate? When’s PNoC history month? Why can’t I experience the thrill of having land stolen from my people? And they say they’re all about equality…



Dear Ibis,

STOP THE BOATS! These queue jumpers need to learn to wait their turn. KEEP STRAYA STRAYAN! We don’t need any more of them ruining the Australian way of life We can’t let these brown people terrrk our jerrbs and leach off our already struggling, debt-ridden economy!

Sincerely yours,

The Australia First Party


Dear AFP,

In light of the Commission of Audit’s report claim that it’s actually cheaper for these boat people to live in the community on a bridging visa than to be held in offshore detention, I propose that we let them all in! It might sound like a radical solution to our 7th Circle of Hell Debt Crisis, Oh Gosh, We’re All Gonna Die, but brown people are really great at doing jobs that nobody else wants to do, like taxi driving, cleaning, and working at Hungry Jacks. It’s a win-win solution, supported by many economists around the world, and would also keep our fair nation in line with several UN Conventions we are currently breaching 😉




Dear Ibis,

Racism is over; Why are all these coloureds always harping on about something or other? ‘You wore my culture as a costume, why are we never represented on TV, don’t stereotype me, you’re a racist blah blah blah blah blahhhhhh’. Can’t they just move on to something more important? It’s not like there aren’t children starving in Africa or world wars are being waged as we speak!


#1 Realist, yo.


Dear #1 Realist,

First thing’s first: these ultra-PC harpies don’t seem to understand that males aren’t very good at multitasking. That’s why in this patriarchy we live in, there exists a hierarchy of Important World Problems that can only be addressed one at a time. The reality is that addressing racism is much further down on the list than intervening in the Middle East for the sake of peace, or collecting your metadata. They’ll get to it when they can. The haters should cut them some slack.

In the meantime, here are a few suggestions for working towards the things you seem to consider more important:

1. You could lend a hand to those suffering hunger in Africa by donating to charities that balance overhead costs with genuinely supporting those in need directly. (No Voluntourism in this solution!) You don’t need to spend $1000’s on a holiday to mingle with the locals and poorly construct their housing or attempt to teach them with your ‘skills’! If you genuinely want to help and not deflect from the very real suffering of ethnics in the western country you have chosen to maintain residence in, donate those hypothetical thousands to actively reduce hunger in Africa.

2. Lobby your governments to directly oppose supporting these wars in the first place. Support those suffering from these world wars being waged by donating time or gifts (in-kind or monetary) to support the local non-governmental organisations and the international non-governmental organisations on the ground.

Sceptically yours,

Overwhelming Agony


Dear Agony Ibis,

I have an opinion on racism. I am entitled to my opinion. People need to stop attempting to silence me just because they simply disagree with my interpretation of racism. What ever happened to FREE SPEECH, or is that yet another attack on our human rights by the Efniksz?


Defiantly yours,

Free Spirit

Dear Spirit,
Everyone is entitled to an opinion, you are correct. Ten points for you! However, if that opinion negatively impacts other individuals (as every action has a reaction or consequence if you will) AND it is an uninformed one (not grounded in reality, verified statistics or genuine fact) then an individual is not entitled to have this opinion heard. I wouldn’t recommend you share or publicise such an opinion UNLESS you are prepared and are expecting other people to express their own opinion of your opinion. Whether or not they may disagree with all or parts of your opinion, you shouldn’t morph into a whiny baby every time they attempt to speak. Open dialogue is great when it flows both ways, amirite? Freedom of speech need not only be for the bigoted!

PS: Keep your ad-hominem attacks at bay when responding to those that may dissent, it lessens the integrity of your ideology.
PPS: Being called a ‘racist’ is NOT an insult. It’s a term defined by people that experience acts or systems of oppression based on race.


Painfully yours,
Extreme Agony